For those of you that don’t know what a time share is I will give you a quick tutorial, a time share is usually a piece of property that people get to share during the year (multiple people that is) and because they get to share it a few times out of the year my guess is that they most likely don’t think too much of it once their time is passed and they return to their personal homes, time shares also depend on the property of course (if its private or public) for illustrative purposes let’s think of a condominium in the hills of Hawaii for instance which might be shared by four or five families (once again it’s all contingent on who the property belongs to in terms of a company or an individual) so let’s say family A books dates for their winter vacation in this Hawaiian condominium and Family B books dates for their Spring vacation in the same Hawaiian condominium and family C books dates for their summer vacation and family D books dates in that same condominium for their Christmas get-away.
In this illustration you have witnessed four different families booking four different seasons for their vacation in the same condominium, the key of time sharing in some cases is not overlapping the chosen times or have families trespassing in each other’s booked times (talk about awkward!) Any-who! You get the point, with this analogy at hand I sometimes wonder why some people allow themselves to be treated like a time share?
If you want to succeed in life you have to take full ownership and management of your time, you cannot let other people fill up your life schedule with their shenanigans when you have your own vision and dreams to chase, you are the leader of your life’s clock, if you want to succeed you start setting rules around your clock, do not let people treat you like a time share, your time is valuable and it is your time, you have your own dreams, passions and aspirations that you have to chase and or fulfill—so therefore your time should only contain top priorities of your endeavors, it’s not self-fish to want to manage your own time, it’s not self-fish to want to pursue your dreams and passions 24/7 instead of three times out of the week because the rest of the time belongs to the other time shareholders of your life who most likely don’t understand your dreams, calling and or passions but would rather run you raggedy so that their visions and dreams can be fulfilled.
I was there before, I have been writing for seven years and been prepping my speaking platform for about the same time, there were people in my life that in my mind must have thought my writing and speaking is not serious because in the seven years I had published one book but have thirteen and counting manuscripts and currently some copies undergoing first stages of publishing, writing is my calling and passion that I am one hundred percent sure of, I used to be in an environment in which I traveled for a living so I was spending about one hundred and forty-five hours every two weeks on the road and in between that I had my calling to tend to (my writing) I realized that—though I hadn’t freely given people my life’s clock I was allowing people to steal my time and because it was for the church I found myself in a conundrum of wanting to do for the Lord yet my passion was dying because I was spreading my time too thin.
I prayed to God to make sense out of it and He revealed to me on what to do to regain total control of my life’s clock and to also be at peace with my radical decisions, (that is all coming in my next memoir!) I can tell you as I write from my studio today I am the happiest person on the planet! Mainly because I have total control of my time and because I am meeting my writing goals! And growing my speaking platform! I am doing what I was called to do with priority and I now know for sure that I was born to do this.
Be smart (wise), understand the full power of owning and managing your own time. Do not let other folks that haven’t heard from God about your calling, dreams and passions steal your time from you, remember the angel came to Mary first and only she knew what God was up to (the Lord has placed the calling in you—and for you as long as you understand it that’s all that matters!) You have been called, pre-positioned and destined for greatness (weather or not if those around you believe it or not) manage your time manage your success! And arrive at your Destiny!
Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. -Ephesians 5:15-17
So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom. Psalm 90:12
By Memory Bengesa
I am dropping in real quick to leave a line or two or three (heck! Or a paragraph of some Vitamin M) Vitamin M is that necessary much needed Motivation! So, today I am going to share with you one of the things that keep me going in life (in terms of my personal goals and dreams), of course I haven’t mastered it all but there is this one thing I do know and I do believe, most times when I am right at the cusp of giving up on something I tell my self—aloud that I want to be “The once was that became” after the word became I claim my stakes by yelling out things like: I want to be the once was an aspiring writer that became the world renowned Author and speaker, I want to be the once was mediocre that became the best at what I do in excellence, I want to be the once was single girl for a long time that became a great wife etc. (You get the gist just insert your goals and dreams after the word became.)
What you profess with your tongue and send into the atmosphere wheels back into existence only if you believe. Often times it is easy to forget where we are supposed to be headed in terms of dreams and or goals, the punishment of today and the past always seems to rob some of the gift of hope for their tomorrow and future, without further ado I want to remind you today to stay encouraged, 24 hours is not worth giving up your dreams, hopes and or goals, set-backs are not stay-backs, set-backs are come-backs (meaning quit comparing your past for tomorrows promises.)
Today I challenge you to grab a hold of yourself, shake yourself if you must and promise yourself this: From this very present moment you will anticipate the gift of today, you will openly embrace tomorrows promises understanding that you no longer belong in the past but you are the moment and you belong in the future, you deserve a grand and greater future, remind yourself of the Queen and or King that lays dominant in your heart awaiting to regain the promised throne, your empire awaits you and your legacy awaits to tell of a brilliant story of a once was who became….
By Memory Bengesa
It is very unfortunate that a country that is known as the United states is now a strongly “Divided” states, do we really have that many differences that compromising is not an option? I am saddened by America, my heart hurts in pain-pain for the humanity of mankind, why does such a conversation make people lose friendships, break-up, unfriend-friends on social media and talk and or wish ill happenings to others.
How can anyone think that this is “The” America they knew? I know this is not the America I knew and fell in love with, maybe like a person that’s down and out she “America” might need to seek some help, a help like no other, her children are hurting. Her children are fighting over fights that don’t have their names on them, America! Help your children rise to the occasion, America! Remind your hurting children that you are a First nation, a rich nation and above all a blessed nation! America! Heal the divide, mend the broken hearted, the weary soul and the most dreaded of all the racist-who most likely doesn’t know any difference because they too like their past are a product of the ignorant environment that raised them.
I want to go back to the America that was vibrant, very vivacious and full of positive potential, bring back America! The land of the beautiful and the Brave…I want to reunite with the genuine love she once carried for ALL humanity, I want the America that loved everyone despite their skin complexion, the America that welcomed all home for the sake of humanity. The America of compassion and love that I knew taught me to have compassion, love and above all accept everyone for who they are and where they came from for together we stand and divided we fall.
America means all races, America means love, America means unity, America means diversity!
By Memory Bengesa
The number one way to identify a red-flag is by understanding the number of excuses to your rational, it is very challenging being in a very sexually impure world to live and know honesty in Christian relationships because even some church men seek out what the world offers (sexual desires) from some sisters in the church and that is why it is important as a Child of God whose life is dedicated to God to understand what God expects from you…so when excuses surface and they don’t align with the word and or what you know and or the undeniable sensational gut-feeling then please understand the possibility of that being a red flag are high, so many times as women we want to believe than confront the truth in our gut feeling (also known as discernment and or the Holy Spirit,) we want to believe that the man we are with is faithful, that he is not lying, that he is not married and so forth and sometimes the more we want to believe the more we shut our spiritual compass down which can lead us to deceitful exposure…I cannot express this enough in my writing (but the truth hurts) Red flags are there, from the “get-go” to the “let-go” we see them all up in our faces like a bee on pollen… in deception I used to ignore red flags, I felt as though if I asked him a question and he denied it and or said different then that was good for my ears and I would force my heart to digest and yet lo-and-behold…the truth was a block away slowly unraveling!
The next scenarios pertain to a couple that has been dating for over three months and or are exclusively “boyfriend and girlfriend,” which means I have excluded all that “kicking-it” shenanigans and or “Net flex-and-chill” nonsense because honestly in those situations there is no exclusivity and or reason to think otherwise in terms of red-flags (any-way! Let me get back to what I was saying…) though red flags are really per case bases here are some underlining red flags when you are dating:
By Memory Bengesa
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/2u17yv4mqkc" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>The main key to developing an open, truthful and intimate relationship with God is by asking God to help transform your mind and to change your old ways of thinking so that your salvation-today-matches (aligns) with the thinking that a godly woman is supposed to experience…this was a pivotal learning moment for me because all I knew in the world was fake, false and lustful love (because I was spiritually blind I did not know this at the time…) so embracing genuine and real love was a challenge for me, my transformation wasn’t an overnight success but rather seasons of spiritual exfoliation in which God had to work on me layer-by-layer ( don't get me wrong!) I stumbled and fell but eventually understood what God was doing after I finally surrendered my ALL including my whole heart to Him. In order to have a successful and godly relationship as a single Christian woman you will have to learn to love God whole-heartedly and genuinely, ask the Holy Spirit to help you because real godly love will sustain a storm once in marriage and or relationships around you.
THREE TIPS TO TRANSFORMING YOUR MIND AND HEART THROUGH GOD
By Memory Bengesa
The Christian singles market can sometimes be a tricky place to be…I absolutely understand it one hundred percent! I learned that everyone for the most part is a so-quote-and-quote- Christian! (You-know!) One of those “Christians” that claim the title but not the values and morals that came with it! (No pun intended) but it almost felt as though I was so self-righteous and focused that when a man approached me in interest the first few things I would ask was, “Do you go to church and how often?” And or are you saved? And of course you can imagine the response was always yes! (Because what did he care-but to play along with my foolery so he could get my number!) Then when the phone numbers were exchanged it felt as though the day was erased by evil…the “jackal and hide” would appear in the phone conversations and text messages…the same type of guy I was trying to leave behind in the world would of a sudden appear on the other end of the phone (asking me what I was wearing? If I wanted to take a picture? You know what type of picture he was talking of…) and all I could think of is “what happened to the supposed church going saved brother I gave my number to?” Of a sudden I felt as though I was back in the world because here I am…brother man looked hot, he said he was a “Christian” and he seemed to have it going on so what in the world is going on? I have to admit it was challenging because at that time (as a newly saved Christian) I had no idea and or concept of the enemies’ schemes so much so that I found myself stumbling in emotional pain, hurt and disappointment because I was truly naive that someone can claim Christianity and or even attend church (regularly slash faithfully and even par-take in ministry!) But really be out for their own pleasure-just like the dudes in the world! (Hello! Rude awakening moment!) All I say is be discerning of spirits around you-honey-love-child…I know of church going sisters who have fallen in this nasty-web of lies because he went to church, sang in the choir and or preached a word-or-two doesn’t really mean he is saved! (Oh-Goodness-I have digressed…let’s get back to the topic at hand.)
One this blog-topic I am going to discuss from my mistakes earlier on in salvation as a single Christian woman because like some… I learned the hard way! And boy does it hurt to fall flat on your bottom only to realize that you are not in control after all so with that I have highlighted a few key points to take heed and learn.
By Memory Bengesa
As a single woman that is a new born again believer in Christ your best bet is to have a solid, sound and ground relationship with God through Jesus Christ first (knowing how to love God first will teach you how to love yourself-wholly and it will teach you how to love people then eventually your future spouse if God ordains…) because as a woman that is coming from the worldly ways of dating the enemy will try to use your old thinking- patterns and or habits of dating to bring into your new Christian life and the enemy will try to manipulate your new found relationship with God so that you will stumble and fall, that is: those guys you once attracted can start coming to you a dime a dozen which is why the first and foremost thing you have to do is create that bond that personal relationship with God, coming into Christ from the world as a single woman can cause so much heart and mind conflict but God will be the only one to teach you how to guard your heart and how to shield your mind and transform it and how to protect it…my deepest challenges earlier on in salvation where trying to please God yet trying to gratify the flesh (because that’s what my past knew) which led to a lot of emotional pain, detachment from God and hurt.
THREE TIPS TO FORMING A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD
—1 Timothy 2:5
Forming Healthy Relationship- All material is courtesy of: Waiting on God’s Promise Book series By Memory Bengesa
My fiancé and I will be joining in Holy matrimony in a couple of months (yay! Hooray-Hooray!) What we have concluded throughout our three years of a dynamic relationship is that we want to become entrepreneur’s, it’s something we have long time discussed, dwelt-on, sought the Lord and continue to seek the Lord and realizing that we will be getting married soon we have been blessed to explore different business opportunities, I thank God that the both of us have always had hobbies that helped independently and suffice financially but as a newly married couple our wedding gift to ourselves would be this “business” (by the way we concluded our LLC documents two weeks ago and we are very stoked) now that the ink is dry on our LLC we have been yet again introduced to bigger business adventures and like all things, the bigger the business adventure the bigger the money has to be…last night on the phone my fiancé and I were talking about our business plan when we started to talk about the new-bigger-business- opportunity, it’s great and its wonderful and in that moment we both agreed we were already taking on what we could financially handle and that we were nowhere close to this “bigger” business investment because as of this moment we have barely scratched the seal off our LLC and haven’t even taken off yet as a company, when I got off the phone with my honey-pie I became deeply in thought and the Spirit of our living God simply interrupted my thought and said: “What did I do for Abraham?” In that moment I grabbed my Bible off my night stand and opened the Bible to Genesis (I knew the Abraham and Sarah story but because this was a freshly posed question I knew a deeper significant lay in wait,) I started to read from chapter 12 of Genesis till the end of chapter 13, I closed my Bible and thought to myself! “He is truly a God of million-dollar ideas and million dollar promises,” understand when God called Abraham-Abraham could’ve been chilling in his 10,000 square foot custom desert designed mansion with an in-door basketball court and two maids...(some of us truth be told that those modern conveniences in our lives can sometimes stand as crutches in hearing God and going where God wants us…any-who! Let me get off my soap-box and back to the story) so! Brother Abraham packed up his family and headed where God wanted him and not for a split second doubted God or questioned God because truth be told I would be like: “ummm…what-am-I-doing-again?” (Let’s keep it real!) After Abraham went North, East, South, West and around the corner past Pharaohs kingdom he finally made it back where God wanted him initially and not only was that a “for-real” adventure it was also an eventful adventure one with no itineraries, daily plans and or tour guides (whew!) But God didn’t take Abraham around the corner and loop around the bend for no reason…all of Abraham’s encounters where by divine appointment so-much-so that at the end of it all God kept His promise (dah! Like He always does) and Abraham became a very filthy-rich man (maybe not filthy-but super rich…you get the picture!) All I have to say after God was done with Brother Abraham's adventure of faith was that Abraham could most likely afford three or more 10, 000 square foot desert mansions -I am-just-saying!
That quickly after reading Genesis chapter 12 and 13 I remembered how God has given me favor in my life before the promise was complete and I even remembered how in some situations God took me North, East, South, West, up the street, down the road, around the bend and back again to point A In order to fulfill a promise… I remembered how God has made things happen, things that I thought I never had the finances for nor the resources! I have seen God move in my favor, in faith! And surely I know if He is giving us “million-dollar-ideas” then He will ultimately guide us to fruition... then what we need to do is take heed and move in faith (if your mind today is thinking on big dreams, huge dreams-million-dollar dreams, don't think "how" but "when" be sure to write them down and believe God will!) Because you-see my brothers and sisters! Christ doesn’t have to wait for you to get the job “title” to bless you with a house, car and or abundant finances, Christ doesn’t have to wait for your “small church” to grow before He gives you a church building of your own…maybe-just-maybe God can give you a huge space and want you to believe that He will fill each seat! You-see-the-Lord doesn’t have to wait for you to get the pay raise before He gives you the keys to your new car, God doesn’t have to show you the funds to the private university you desire to go to…maybe-just-maybe He wants your faith to be that of just filling out an admissions slip and He will take care of the rest! Like my fiance and I, maybe its not about having the extensional capitol for the next big business venture but maybe-just-maybe...stepping out in faith and believing God... understand that God is in seek of strong and brave faith from mankind, the faith that will move mountains, the faith that will-do-and-not-ask! The Lord is seeking for faith doers not faith-doubters, I know firsthand how easy it is to lose focus and wonder the “how” before the “faith” but best believe when you put that “faith” before the “how” you allow yourself to being vulnerable to Gods deepest and greatest blessing…
That night I called my fiancé back after that revelation and said that we will target this new bigger opportunity as a part of our five year business plan because El Presidente of our company who just happens to be the Lord Himself! Said-so! Because we serve a faithful God, for God to allow us both to have that great idea and to allow the opportunity to enter our lives means that He is in control…who knows He might even expedite the adventure! Whatever the case is, I am believing God I am believing in God and I am trusting in His provisions….
By Memory Bengesa
About six years ago I founded the Memory Bengesa Character Scholarship Foundation and I am pleased to say with much faithfulness, diligence and persistence God has granted our organization great favor… I am proud to say in the seventh year of the foundation…which is next year (drum roll please…) we will be funding our very first student through school…it’s been a long time coming and this is a tear jerking moment in my life and a forever transformation which is one of my ultimate happiest moments...
Our student comes from the village of Rusape in Zimbabwe, he is a very smart and ambitious boy who has only his mother remaining in his life as death took his father…the headmaster of the primary school single handedly picked this boy out for our scholarship program because of his impeccable scholastic character which aligns with our qualifications.
For those of you that might not know… I have been writing for about six years and in those years I have felt the growth in my writing as each year has turned, I have felt myself being pushed to uncomfortable measures within my writing and the spirit man in me has felt it drawing me close to Gods lessons in my life but the flesh man has questioned my calling in moments of weakness’s because when I tell you that I am not worthy of being a writer-I mean it…(I am not insecure in my calling) but most times than least I am overwhelmed with the goodness of God’s favor upon my life that every now and then I look up and say…“are you sure-God?” It is often hard for me to really explain… (if you knew me before God you would think they were lies or rumors because even I can’t grasp God’s transformation over my life let alone the gift) and how God’s mercy’s, Love, compassion and greatness is given me a gift I never ever (literally) dreamed of…
I thank God for all He does and continues to do for me… I wanted to share with you a small win of my 3rd but first to be edited and soon published novel… I wrote this book from the depth of my heart and soul through God and I gave it my best and even though I did not make the final number one I made the finalist (my small win) position among tons of competitors… which means a lot to me and is assurance for anyone that ever questioned what God has called you for…believe God and He will lead you through it, count every little win because one day-soon they too will be one big win…see you at the finish line.
P.S. I can NOT wait for you to read this dynamic novel…not because I wrote it but because I was truly blessed from start to finish. The Sameness Life of Nandi coming to a store near you soon.
For life is bitter-sweet… one end sweet one end bitter but both filled with great lessons... I often wonder how I will be remembered, I am not ready yet to leave this earth but it’s a curious thought...I want to be remembered as the inspirationalist of life, hope and love because my creator has granted me these measures of life-freely… I want to be remembered as the girl that changed someone's life, the girl that resuscitated someones dying dreams, hope, life and joy all because Christ did it for me… I want to inspire the masses before I expire…maybe one day my nieces and nephews and perhaps my own unborn children might one day know of this woman and hopefully remember her as a memory of Memory… I want to be remembered as the woman who has triumphed and continues to triumph while the flesh is gone and the words of my writing through Christ still live… so I say to you…
Will you remember me...?
Can you remember me...?
Shall you remember me...?
For whats life? But a great Memory...
By Memory Bengesa 2015
I was only sixteen years old when my parents decided it was time for a complete change, I couldn’t comprehend what it all meant after all we were very successful in our home country (so I thought) so I didn’t understand why we had to migrate, I couldn’t see a possibility of anything else being much more better than we already had-so I thought once again in my 16 year old mind… I never for a second ever envisioned my family and I belonging to another country…my departure from my home country was rather sad, angry and confusing, it would take me to being in my early twenties and thirties to understanding why my parents sacrificed their business’s, homes, family and country for us (their children) it all makes sense now and even though it makes sense to me I can never forget some peoples ill feelings towards “immigrants” in the new country I called home and towards my siblings and I who were only mere children that had no say so in any choices to migrate… I thank my parents for the sacrifices they made, I am blessed to be an American, I am blessed to call America my home, this 4th of July understand that you as well (unless you are full blooded native American) are also a product of ancestors that wanted better for their family and children, you as well are a by-product of some type of immigration, whether you are 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th generation, your ancestors wanted the American dream as well… after all what is and who is an American?
Do I not breathe like you?
Do I not look like you?
Do I not dress like you?
Do I not live like you?
Do I not move my limbs like you?
Do I not eat like you?
Do I not think like you?
Do I not learn like you?
You see… I look like some of you and you being ‘American.’
You see… I breathe like you and you being ‘American.’
You see… I even dress like some of you, you being ‘American.’
You see… I even live like some of you, you being ‘American.’
You see… I have full use of my limbs and use them like some of you, you being ‘American.’
You see… I even have developed you’re eating habits.
You see… I have learned in some cases to think like an ‘American.’
You see… I have been taught by ‘Americans’ so therefore I have learned ‘American.’
Allow me to get this off my chest…if I sleep like you, eat like you, think like you , breath like you, dress like you, move like you and learn like you then therefore why do some of you verbally persecute the child of an immigrant for when two parents’ divorce is it ever the children’s fault? No, I hope that is your answer! And No I have not gone off track, you see… I too am a child of divorce…country divorce that is, my parents like your ancestors divorced a country they knew, don’t worry the divorce was not nasty at all it was just like any other divorced couple, my parents and Zimbabwe had grown apart and my parents wanted true happiness and they wanted what was best for their children in terms of hope and a great future and therefore there was irreconcilable differences and because of that my parents packed up and left our maternal mother-Zimbabwe… you see, I was just a teen, torn by the split because Zimbabwe birthed me and nurtured me…in a sense she was all I had so trying to embrace my new parent ‘America’ was challenging so much so that we too had our moments, after we passed through all the forming stages I grew excited in my relationship with ‘America’ because she took me in-in my most vulnerable time of misunderstanding and loved me the way a true parent would love a child of divorce and she eased my pain by allowing me so many opportunities of growth, America has taught me independence, self-sufficiency, free thought, love, expression, liberalism, faith and above all she has made me her very own child, and if she has made me her own then I say too you my fellow ‘American’ I too am American!
By Memory Bengesa
After being in the leadership role for over 10 years I figured it was time enough to share some of the highlights I learned and offer some tidbits to getting you one step closer to that promotion and or one step closer to being that ultimate loveable employee!
1. Excuses, most times than least when an employee has an excuse it means they have a justification for the reason on why they are not doing what they are supposed to be doing, honestly speaking it becomes somewhat of an annoyance and bad character portrayal, most bosses would rather hear or prefer a person admit it (take accountability) and offer up a resolution, so the next time you decide to make an excuse…pause, think it out and say; “I have to do better about my tardiness” or “I understand and there is no excuse for such behavior” or “You-know what? I have never thought about that, thank-you!” Your boss will respect you way much more! Remember…bosses are not stupid and we know when you are trying to pull a fast one on us.
2. Argumentative employees, bosses do not wake up every morning wondering what they are going to argue about with an employee, most normal (fair) bosses wake up on a positive note on wanting to win the day over in positive spirits, we know that you are smart, intelligent, and we know that you are good at what you do so do not argue with your boss for the sake of proving them wrong… in these cases it never goes far, sometimes you end up in the bosses “employee rebel” list and then you wonder why your boss doesn’t talk socially to you or as some employees state "my boss hates me," (gee-I-wonder why you feel that way?) Give respect to get respect, I know that some bosses are not fair naturally but they are still your boss.
3. Bosses do not have Alzheimer’s but sometimes we tend to repeat ourselves on things you already know, be kind enough to nod and smile and act like it is spanking new information instead of correcting us with an: “I already knew that” that one always, always, always comes off smart-toned no matter how sincere you are, and remember, there is a whole lot of employees with different learning curves, so sometimes bosses find themselves repeating themselves not willingly.
4. Bosses absolutely love initiation driven people, innovative employees stick out like a sore thumb, they are the go getters, the trend setters, the “I am different from the rest folks” because they are unknowingly on the bosses side of wanting to make the day a win! Without waiting to being asked or told, you do not have to wait for the boss to tell you to do something responsible around the office, some of you sit around and complain about how promotions are passing you by, maybe it’s got something to do with your initiation level, you do not have to start doing extra to make extra money through a promotion, rather you can start of doing extra and that will indirectly bring in extra.
5. Bosses are easily displeased by negative attitudes and complainers, my theory in life is: “no one held a gun to your head for you to fill out the application form” so do everyone a favor and find a job that makes you happy, life is way too short for you to hate what you do… it is the most saddest thing for one to wake up and be miserable and it is more sad for one to wake up and be miserable and come to work and bring misery with them, trust me, your co-workers won’t miss you when you and your attitude leave.
6. Bosses are not babysitters, OK! Here is the deal, the work place is not an adult day care for employees, please leave all your drama at home, in your car, in the street or outside the work doors… yes! I know life can be rough and rugged, but like anything else, no one wants to hear your crazy-drama, especially when you bring it to work and start acting petty around your co-workers… I don’t know how many times I have had to look over my shoulder to make sure Aston Kutcher wasn’t hiding in the shrubs and waiting to tell me you’ve been punked! We care about your well-being and we care about you… it’s the drama we don’t care about.
7. Bosses don’t like to be over talked, there is a time to listen and then there is a time to talk and or give feedback when necessary, so do your due diligence in exercising your listening skills.
8. Bosses admire and cherish doers, most fair hard working bosses out there are more so “doers” and they admire and cherish employees with a work ethic of “doing,” you don’t have to do something when your boss is around and watching, but when you are an automatic doer whether your boss is there or not is shows a lot about your responsibility and work ethic, sure! Any boss would love to have a doer on their side, whether it is in terms of promotions or helping your boss one-on-one.
9. With doing comes my one “biggie” that bosses take pride and respect in, that is employees that are solution oriented before noticing those that are problem oriented, you see… solution oriented people in any ones business have the ability to see a vision in its completed form and a problem oriented person struggles with the vision of completion because everything in front of them is problematic and negative, you want to get on the very top of your bosses list of great employees then you start of by offering your boss (when chance permits) great solutions and see where you end up in that company!
By Memory Bengesa
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it…
Ladies! Grab a cup of hot tea-or cold, which ever floats your boat and places you at ease…as for me, I have my cup of hot Chai tea with a dash of milk and splash of flax-seed oil-baby! Because I am getting ready to divulge some information you will never hear from an enemy, I am about to talk to someone on here today! Can I get an Amen!
Are you in a relationship? (Wait… let me re-phrase) Are you in a relationship in which you both acknowledge or you are the main speaker of the status among your girlfriend’s? Meaning he doesn’t claim you as his lady but more so an acquaintance, friend-maybe and so-forth, does he have a tendency of standing you up on dates and or pre-planned dates? Does he have a consistent M.I.A schedule? Meaning he is always Missing In Action on specific days of the week and or weekend or he is always missing at specific times that are non-accountable for? Do you know where he lives, let alone lays his head at night? Do you even know his government name?
Let me take a sip of my tea before I continue… (Refreshing… deep breath in… and out) OK! So some of you have answered no, maybe or yes to a few of these questions but honestly sister-girlfriend I can go on for days with the vast amount of empty promises we women tend to subject ourselves to at the hunger of love, I am not going to castigate you because I am no different from any other woman that has the desire to be loved by her “night-and-shining-armor” except the ones I used to date where more so my “night-and-shining-thugs” I used to be so desperate that one man told me his phone died the whole weekend that was why I did not hear from him and or get in touch with him… I laugh now because I know! Right! It sounds really-stupid (I am like: and I bought into that?) Unbelievably true… one time I dated a man that told me he worked out of town on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays, it took some months for me to shake the denial off because he was a cutie and I didn’t want to believe that he had another life over the weekends till I ran into him at a local store on a Saturday with a pregnant woman… (ouch!) That was a hard pill to swallow! Baby I can go on-and-on-and-on but this article is not about me, it is about you, I want my beautiful lovely sisters to face that inner you that holds you back from accepting the truth when it comes to your full worth.
I have spent nights, days and months crying from heart aches created by empty promises, what I was searching for in these men was not there because they too were hurt and empty so they produced empty promises, I learned that my tears where priceless and that I would never cry again over the act of a man that was due to my own blindness from deception, I learned to start telling myself the cold hard truth, whether I wanted to hear it or not, we are equipped with the greatest “lie detector” of all times! That is that “hunch” that “gut” feeling you feel within the core of your core that; “something is not right” feeling you feel when you know deep down inside of you from your spine that you are on to something… you don’t deserve to support a grown man, you deserve a man to treat you with respect, love and kindness, his visiting hours to your home should not always be after 10pm (I don’t care what kind of job he has… that is not an excuse-you are some one else’s daughter and you deserve to be treated with love, respect and dignity) if he has more excuses than a political presidential candidate then you he doesn’t deserve your time, if his life consists of strings of unfortunate financial crises and mishappenings then you are not the federal reserve, brother-man needs to go and find him an extra jobs and or hours to get himself out of that situation because you were not there with him when he created it… I don’t want to hear you say; “but you don’t know what his going through, I am the only he can count on” Girl-Pha-leez! It is most likely you, Susie, Jane, Sara and Kim! The preconceived notion among some women is the fact that we tend to feel like, “we are the only ones that can help him so we have to help him” (Girl-Pha-leez… you are not a rehabilitation center!) When in actuality we don’t have to do anything but mind our own business and grow our money instead of blowing it on him, understand that I am not a man-basher or a man-hater I am a “bad-man advisory board” Just like the weather Doppler I want to signal you of the wrong men character-traits so you avoid going down the dark road of regret and sorrow after a heartache, I am advocating for a new generation of women, women who know their worth and are not willing to place their worth on the bargain rack but instead those who love to keep their “whole” price worth, I am bothered by some of the things some women put themselves through all in the mist of thinking they are really the one for him, or they are going to get a ring or maybe if they just hang in there for one more year he might consider me to being his girlfriend… I believe that there are good if not great men out there and that every woman of value deserves to be in relationships with such men, out of all the times I felt hurt, I mainly felt betrayed, I felt also stupid for knowing but not confronting the truth… avoid these feelings by taking action and protection of your heart.
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Psalm 139:13-15
#Psalm139 #HeartBreak #Love #MemoryBengesa #Relationships #Faith #God #Women #Ladies
By Memory Bengesa 2015
Circumstances are not love. Ok… let me see… where to begin? I have so much light shed into my heart about this topic but to keep you captivated I will “try” and make this short, so there comes a point and time in our “grown” lives where we need to take a hold of reality and face accountability at its full length, some women “love” to justify their circumstances but as I am always first to say, a “justification” is a sugar-coated excuse and an excuse is a form of distorted truth and any times the truth gets swayed even just a little bit it becomes a “bold-faced-lie” and the creator of lies is the devil (there I said it!) John 8:44… there is no such thing as a small lie, big lie, white lie, pink lie, my lie, your lie-you get the point! So…as I was saying, in my life whether it’s been the wrong opposite sex relationships, or life in general I have made some mistakes, some mistakes more crucial than the others but all of the mistakes brought me to the one word of the day, (drumroll please…) “circumstance” and how I handled some of these “circumstances” at some points and times of my mistakes was simply distorting the truth, especially when it came to my wrong selection of dating! Boy-oh-boy-oh-boy… yes, I made the choices of allowing the wrong men in my life and yes I tolerated and justified their inadequacies so I would not be lonely and yes! I faced the BIG! Consequences from those circumstances…I am not here to badger men or shame men, there is an abundance of good men out there and at one point and time I used to attract the bad ones, until God shed a light on my thinking… the world tells you there is no more good men but my Bible says Gods plans for us are of good not evil Jeremiah 29:11 and I think it is ok as women if we take full accountability of our actions (mistakes and choices) and stop distorting the truth, taking accountability doesn’t not mean you failed-it shows that you are as human as the next woman is and it helps you get stronger and further away from the lie of your circumstance so Gods healing and delivering process can begin… some women are living unhappily married because they (not he… because he did not force you to marry him) but rather they-being the woman chose to marry a man in whom they clearly had seen or better yet been told that-the man was not good for them (red-flags are everywhere before you say I-do…here is a hint; you can see them clearly when you don’t justify) or perhaps it’s the most common but truly sad factor “we are doing it for the kids” when deep down inside you know and I know that those kids are tired of seeing you two fight and that they are sick and tired of being in an unloving home because your “circumstantial” caption is not enough to grow love… where there is genuine love my Bible says a multitude of sin is covered 1 Peter 4:8, but what my Bible doesn’t make mention of is the fact of “circumstances” covering a multitude of sin, here is how to grow more broken people in society; hold onto your own selfishness in which you “sugar-coat” it and title it “the my kids benefit-marriage,” Hey I am just saying…(hash tag that!) I am not a divorce advocate (because that is not my territory…) but all I am saying is; some things might need to change for those “circumstances” to change (seek God on that) and for the woman that chooses to trap a man knowingly by getting pregnant or by doing some crazy-manipulative scheme so he can marry you or be with you…all I want to know is; “how’s that working for you?” As a woman to a woman, we need to stop trying to figure out how to keep a man that doesn’t want to be with us or a man that doesn’t want to be kept…yep! As much as there are good men out there, there are some that like to run loose like stray dogs with no commitment what so ever, but he would rather have a slice of his cake and eat the whole thing too (and guess who allows it)… let me say something real quick, when a man is into you-you will know-for sure because you won’t have to justify or make excuses for where he spends his weekends, evenings, holidays, vacations, etc. Let’s move right along… the women with the low-down-dirty-shame-of-a-man, look… you are not his momma, you will never be his momma and you cannot amount to his momma, honestly! You will never be able to change “lil-mook-mook” to go by Mike and act like a “Mike,” not even if you wished it in a dry wishing fountain, unmarried relationships are not binding, if he is not your Adam then you, my sister-friend-daughter do not need to be with him, who is Adam? Yeah-girl…that Adam-dude from the Bible…God placed Adam in the garden first, so he could work, Adam had a job, once God noticed that Adam was taking care of his…then he blessed him with Sister Eve, and that is how the story ends…none of this fluff from Disney…there will be no happy ending in your relationship if you are basing your “fruitless” relationship off justification, do not justify why your dude doesn’t have a job, or why he cannot maintain a job, or why as a grown man he doesn’t own a car, cell phone, house, apartment, condo or why he is aggressive, jealous, an addict or physically and or mentally abusive…the minute you find it ok to justify his situation then you are allowing the seed of distortion in your mind, the seed that germinates with an aim to cause spiritual blindness to the choices you make, that is slowly turning into a “circumstance.”
Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! Psalm 34:8, God! Is so good! If you leave all you cling to and cling onto Him, I promise you-you will be enriched with His goodness…I wish you would understand how God wants you to be happy, wants you to be with a man that loves you like Christ loved the church, please believe me when I say you deserve nothing but God’s best…meaning a good man too!
Because I love you my sister-friend-daughter, I speak…and if your friend “ain’t going to say it-I will!”
#Circumstance #God #Faith #Trust #Women #MemoryBengesa # Grace #Mercy #Hope #Spirituality #Church #Jesus
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
In a world where time is measured in age and sometimes age is measured in success we not only feel a small amount of pressure from our family but sometimes society, society depicts the normalcy for a married woman to being that of a woman that gets swept away in her early if not mid-twenties and gets engaged to the love of her life and then they get married and live happily ever after… blah-blah-blah… you know sometimes I kind of blame “Disney” for always painting this “perfect picture” of a girls dream-come-true, (hold on hear me out…picture this:) girl is in some dilemma and some hunk of a guy makes it their mission to rescue the girl only to end up falling in love with her and then they live “happily ever after,” excuse me for veering of my main point but I thought I would highlight that, and in case you are wondering what such images had to do with you, well! I am glad you asked, sometimes when a seed is placed in your mind whether its trough “Disney” at an early age or so or perhaps via “Facebook” or “Instagram” or some chick flick we tend to start believing what we see as truth and what we think of as truth at that point and time can be what we want to be truth but not actually reality, for instance, relationships are a lot of work but in all my years of being single I just wanted to be with my dream guy or should I say my dreamy (lust) guy so I could feel complete, loved and or appreciated when in reality that would not be the case, God is so amazing in His calculated ways that I sit in embarrassment of some of my requests in the “companionship” department to God, you see like some of you I wanted to be engaged by 25 and married by 26 or 27, those where my plans for myself without God, but because I wanted that I made it happen for myself and because I made it happen without God I ended up being hurt immensely… that was by far the hardest heartbreak to bounce back from and once barley bounced back I was still fragile but still I made every attempt to being in relationships which were not God orchestrated so those led to more pain and heartaches, I too felt like I was getting older and it was a point and time in which I couldn’t fathom not getting married, it seemed as though I was getting older and the men had more games than a season’s ticket worth of basketball, surely this could not have been the life-so I thought but after some self-inflected pain from the relationships I entertained I learned that I had to focus on me, not because I had been hurt or I was a man-hater, but because I grew tired of chasing love that didn’t love me, I grew tired of chasing men that where not even worth-my worth, I grew tired of wrong relationships burying me in hurt and sorrow-so-much-so that my hands grew tired of digging myself out to balancing my life back on track…don’t sit up there and say; “I am going to do me!” As a way to act like you don’t need anyone when in reality you lay your head at night and secretly wish you had a beau, I literally had to make myself be at peace and content with myself and when God taught me how to do it I really felt true happiness within myself and because of that I was content in my singleness and because I was content in my singleness God blessed me with a wonderful man after I learned the lesson at hand (literally 14 years later!) Now truth be told, I was now in the mode of “doing me” that this man had to literally fight for my attention… don’t be discouraged.
“Doing me” is my metaphor for living my purposed life through God, involving myself in my passions, dreams and aspirations and above all enjoying life.
By Memory Bengesa 2015
#God #Faith #Trust #Women #MemoryBengesa # Grace #Mercy #Hope #Spirituality #Church #Jesus
#Marriage #Single #Relationships #Love